While we often celebrate stories of love and resilience in fostering, there’s another side that isn’t always seen. Behind the bright moments, many parents quietly carry the weight of trauma that isn’t their own. We want to share some advice for foster parents on Stress Awareness Day.
The Hidden Emotional Cost of Fostering and Adoption
Foster parents often struggle with moments that few outsiders witness:
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The young person’s night terrors that return again and again.
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The emotional storms that erupt without warning.
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The quiet grief when connection with the child doesn’t come easily.
These experiences can leave parents feeling isolated and emotionally drained. When you’re supporting a child who has lived through trauma, your own nervous system can start to mirror their distress. This is a response known as secondary trauma. Over time, this can lead to exhaustion, anxiety and stress.
You Can’t Pour From an Empty Cup
Fi Newood, a therapeutic parenting specialist and researcher, has spent years working with foster and adoptive families. Her research, shared in her book I Can’t Do This: When Foster and Adoptive Parenting Feels Too Hard, found that many parents see their exhaustion as personal failure rather than what it truly is… a sign of carrying too much, without enough care for themselves.
Foster and adoptive parents often live in two worlds:
The one everyone sees: the smiles, the milestones, the bravery.
And the one few talk about: the exhaustion, guilt, loneliness and stress.
Fi’s work invites parents to see their own wellbeing as essential, not optional. Self-care isn’t indulgence; it’s protection, for both you and the child you care for.
Finding Space to Heal
Stress Awareness Day is an opportunity to remember that acknowledging your stress is not weakness. It’s the first step toward healing. For foster and adoptive parents, creating space to talk openly about these feelings can help you reconnect with your sense of self and rediscover why you began this journey in the first place.
You deserve care, too.
Join the Conversation
If any of this resonates with you, join Fi Newood and Flourish Foundation for a live webinar based on her research in I Can’t Do This: When Foster and Adoptive Parenting Feels Too Hard.
This session offers a gentle space to explore the emotional realities of fostering and adoption, understand the impact of chronic stress, and learn ways to look after yourself while caring for others.
