The PACE model, created by Clinical Psychologist Dan Hughes, we use the PACE model in therapeutic fostering to provide foster parents with a trauma-informed way to respond to behaviour. It focuses on building trust, safety and security. PACE is about how you act with a child in their difficult moments and approaching their behaviour with curiosity, empathy and calmness, rather than just focusing on correcting it.
We use the PACE model at Flourish Fostering because it is a great tool to help children who are fostered overcome their past traumatic experiences. Usually, traditional parenting focuses on correcting behaviour through consequences, but for children who have experienced trauma, this doesn’t always work in the same way. If a child is feeling unsafe or overwhelmed, they can’t understand that there’s a lesson to be learned from getting in trouble, because they’re just trying to cope with how they feel.
Breaking down the PACE model
P is for Playfulness
Playfulness is about keeping interactions non-threatening. It doesn’t mean you’re not taking things seriously, but that your facial expression and how you approach a situation are light and friendly.
Example: instead of saying, “It’s such a big mess in here!” you might joke, “Wow! Looks like someone has had fun in here, shall we get it tidied up?”
This kind of response can take the pressure out of the moment. It reduces fear or shame and helps a child stay regulated enough to stay connected with you.
A is for Acceptance
Acceptance is about recognising and validating how a child feels, even if their behaviour wasn’t great. A helpful way to think about it is: “I can accept how you feel, even if I can’t accept what you did.”
Example: saying “I can see you were really angry that we couldn’t go to the park today,” helps a child feel understood. It doesn’t mean you’re agreeing with or allowing the behaviour, but it separates the feeling from the action.
When children feel that their emotions are accepted, it becomes easier to guide them towards safer ways of expressing them.
C is for Curiosity
Curiosity is about wondering what might be going on underneath a child’s behaviour and not jumping to conclusions. It means slowing things down and avoiding assumptions like “they’re being naughty.”
Example: You may say to the child, “I wonder if you had a bit of a hard day at school today, and you’re feeling a bit angry, and that’s why you threw your toy”
Using phrases like “I wonder if…” shows the child that you’re trying to understand them, not blame them. This can make them feel safe enough to share what’s really going on.
E is for Empathy
Empathy is about showing a child that you understand how they feel and that you’re there for them. You’re not necessarily trying to fix things; it’s more important that you’re being emotionally present.
Example: responses like, “That must have felt really upsetting,” or “I know how upsetting it is when things don’t go right, I understand why you’re feeling so sad”, can really help.
When a child feels genuinely understood, it helps them feel less alone with their emotions. Over time, this kind of response builds trust and helps children learn that their feelings can be shared safely with another person.
Challenges of using PACE
Often in life, the things that help us improve things aren’t an ‘easy fix’; they take work and perseverance, and using the PACE approach is the same. It can feel unnatural at first, until you’re used to reacting in that way. It can also be really hard in stressful situations to make sure you’re following the PACE model, rather than just your instincts. Again, this is something that becomes more natural over time.
Why Support Matters
Using the PACE model can feel very different in real life, especially in challenging moments. Foster parents should not be expected to figure it out on their own; having support from the fostering organisation is crucial.
That might be guidance, training, or just having space to reflect on any difficult times. Whe
n using PACE in a therapeutic fostering setting, foster parents will be supported by therapists who help them make sense of behaviour and feel more confident responding.
PACE doesn’t provide quick fixes, but it helps foster parents respond consistently, which, over time, will help children feel safer, build trust, and manage their emotions. What matters is being open to learning and having the right support around you. With guidance from an experienced team, including therapists, approaches like PACE can become natural in everyday moments.
If fostering is something you’ve been thinking about, why not get in touch today?
