Paul and Elliot
Paul and Elliot have been together for nine years. As a same-sex couple, they wanted children of their own, and were looking into surrogacy.
However, Paul had a big career change and started working in a residential children’s home. Paul gained a lot of knowledge and training whilst working with children in care. It was at this point the couple also learnt about foster care.
Paul said: “Working there was an incredible learning experience. There were 11 children in placement whose dream was to be in a stable foster home when they were ready.”
Through this experience, the couple decided they “had to” become foster parents.
Paul said:
“As a same-sex couple, all we wanted was a child and thought fostering would be the best way to go about it. This way, we’d be able to look after multiple children throughout our fostering career.
“There are so many children out there who need help and need a loving, stable, and secure home environment. We felt like we couldn’t not do it, especially with my experiences and learnings from my career.”
Paul has a level three qualification in residential child care and is currently studying for a degree in psychology with counselling with the goal of becoming a child psychotherapist in the future.
He now works as a teaching assistant at a specialised school for children with trauma abuse and neglect who also have autism and ADHD. He said he would eventually like to become a foster parent full-time.
Elliot works in telecommunications alongside being a foster parent. His mother grew up in a foster family and went on to become a foster carer which gave him a good understanding of the whole process.
Their fostering experience
The couple were placed with their first child – a six-year-old boy – in November and said it has been “amazing” so far. They have already celebrated Christmas and a birthday together as a family.
Paul said:
“We’re very lucky, he’s been very, very good. He’s really bright and brave and loves being with us.”
Their foster son had a neglected childhood and is working through the trauma while slowly adjusting to his new family environment.
Paul said: “Children in care try to recreate their previous home environment which they are so used to, so it can be hard to get them to accept a more stable and loving environment.”
The couple have developed their unique parenting style, with support from Flourish, and are very happy with their new family dynamic. They enjoy an active outdoor lifestyle but are equally happy staying in to play games around the dining table.
Why Flourish?
Paul and Elliot have had a positive experience with Flourish Fostering so far and have found the support they need in their fostering journey as first time foster parents.
Paul said:
“We’ve had really good conversations with the Flourish psychotherapy team and our social worker has been really supportive too. They made the process really easy and it has been a positive experience so far.”
As foster parents, it’s important to have a community that understands and supports you. Paul and Elliot have found just that through Flourish.
Paul said:
“Flourish has set up a group for foster parents in the area and we’re making friends through it, which is brilliant. I’ve already provided respite care for one of the foster parents, so it has become a real community.”
Advice for potential foster parents
As of March 2023, there were 83,840 children in care in England, a number that has been rising consistently over the past few years.
Paul and Elliot are encouraging more people, especially from the LGBTQIA+ community, to come forward and foster.
They have shared some advice for those looking into fostering on how to get started.
Paul said:
“Do your research, educate yourself on trauma, attachment and therapeutic care, talk to as many people as possible, and go into it only if you’re 100% sure you want to do it.
“Absolutely do it because it’s the most rewarding thing in the world, especially when you get past the hard point where they start to settle down and make progress.”
If you’re eager to learn more about fostering and are thinking about becoming a foster parent, please visit Flourish Fostering’s website: https://flourishfostering.co.uk/contact/
